A few months ago, I shared the things I’ve learned from being sober for over 2 years. Now, I want to share my experience of reintroducing alcohol into my life again, after having been sober for around 2,5 years.
Although these past 2-3 years of sobriety have been great in many ways, such as for my mental and physical health, overall well-being, and confidence, I have felt distant from my social life. Since my early teenage years, I’ve always been very social and attended parties almost every weekend. Partying has always felt like a very fun addition to my life, offsetting the seriousness of my work, career, education, and financial goals. But a few years ago, I started questioning the role of substances in our society and what it actually gives.
When I decided to become sober, I didn’t set a specific end goal. I didn’t say I would be sober for 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, or forever. But as soon as I had been entirely sober for a few weeks and months, I saw all the positive effects it had on my life. I had more energy, I slept better, my anxiety and depression vanished, and I stopped being irritated at people for minor inconveniences. Overall, I felt I had become a better person, and I liked myself more sober than intoxicated.
However, I have noticed a big difference in my social life. One of the main reasons I think it’s fun to go out at night is because it’s fun to drink. But when I am sober, I don’t find going out at night as much fun anymore. It’s always nice to meet my friends, but why would I stay out late or spend more than a few hours out? Of course, this attitude and perspective change how you socialize and your relationship to other people. Since most of my friends and acquaintances are into nightlife, this has been a huge change in the friendship dynamics.
I also started missing having fun and feeling young. If you only work in a pretty serious job and make a great effort daily in your career, education, and to be responsible, save and invest money, but then don’t offset that behavior in other ways, it is very hard to keep up the joys of being alive and young. I started to feel very old, unmotivated, and didn’t see the point of working or making progress in the serious areas of my life if there was not much to be enjoyed about it.
So, I asked my friends. I made a poll on my Close Friends stories on Instagram, and I asked everyone: What do you do to feel young again? The alternatives were: 1) Quit your job. 2) Start partying again (including drinking alcohol). 3) Meet new people and try new hobbies. 4) Dress more youthful at work. An absolute clear majority voted for Start partying again and said it’s what keeps them feeling happy, young, and excited.
I thought about it some more. I talked to some more people, friends, my partner, and even my father, who is entirely sober. A pretty clear consensus was that if I want to try drinking again, then that’s what I should do. It’s not a failure to break the sober streak (I had been counting the days and had reached 850+ days). Life is an experience, and you should let yourself live. Most likely, I’d realize pretty soon that it’s not that fun anyway. But it’s important to let yourself live life the way you want – whether that’s to be sober or to decide to drink.
After a few months of consideration, discussions, and reflections, I decided to reintroduce alcohol again to my life to see if it could add some joy, happiness, and fun to it. I said to myself that if it didn’t feel good, then I’d choose to be sober again.
1 month of drinking alcohol
Now, it’s been one month since I started drinking alcohol again. The first two weeks were intense; I was abroad for a research conference where there were multiple events at night with complimentary drinks, and I had also met some new friends I wanted to socialize with.
What I noticed right away was how available alcohol is when you take it. It’s offered to you, placed in front of you, and it’s like it’s everywhere around you. I was pretty astonished by how much alcohol is available around us. This is something I hadn’t noticed when I’d been sober for so long; it was as if alcohol had stopped existing for me, and now, suddenly, it was everywhere.
The second thing I noticed was that it is indeed more fun to socialize with a bit of intoxication than without. There’s a reason why alcohol is referred to as a “social lubricant”.
During my sobriety, and before, I read many people claiming that alcohol only introduces a false sense of connection and socialization. That it actually just makes us dumb and numb. In a way, that is true, when you are sober and watching intoxicated people interact from the outside. But when you are one of those who are intoxicated in a social setting, it does feel different. Socializing, for me, is just more fun with alcohol than without. It’s much easier to connect with strangers, to let your guard down, to relax, and to experience the night more intensely. It takes you out of your head.
So, for the social part, reintroducing alcohol has made life much more fun for me. And I do feel more excited for life. I look forward to the weekends, to parties, to events, to concerts to go to with my friends.
However, I have also felt much more tired during this past month than I’ve felt almost in the entire two years I’ve been sober. Drinking alcohol really negatively affects my sleep, rest, and anxiety levels. I have once again begun to feel irritated at smaller inconveniences in life. And I don’t like this.
Now, I am again re-evaluating. I may want to continue to enjoy alcohol during special occasions, such as when there’s a particularly attractive gathering of people I like, at festivals, New Year’s Eve, and so on. But I think feeling as tired as I’ve been this past month is not the best life I could live.
When reading other people’s articles on the internet about their experiences of reintroducing alcohol after sobriety, many people say it takes them at least a few months to find a balance. So, I will give myself some time, show myself some grace, and take it slowly while reflecting on the effects alcohol has on my happiness, joy, and life quality.
I might end up choosing sobriety again, or I might be able to find a balance where alcohol can add an extra sparkle to life, without draining me of too much energy.
