If there’s any time during the year, when we are encouraged to set our intentions and goals for the coming times, it’s now. But, is it always a good thing? How about the idea that setting goals for the new year might be stealing some of our happiness from us? Let me explain.
I’ve always been a New Year’s goal-setting person. Even this year, I have my list of goals I aim to achieve and accomplish, as a way of setting my intentions and seeing clearly what I should focus my energies and priorities on.
But isn’t it always the same story each year? We think that our happiness is somewhere ahead of us, it’s somewhere in the future. It’s always hanging just outside our reach, so readily grasped but we’re never quite there. We need to reach this or that goal first.
And then, when we reach our goal, it’s right on to the next. We can never ever be fully there, because the target keeps moving and there’s always something more to be wanted, something bigger, better, more impressive, more fulfilling.
Why do we have these stupid goals?
It’s partly a cause of human nature, but certain types of goals, the ones I see prevalent around me today, I believe are because we live in a greedy society where we judge each other constantly on our successes and failures.
On how much money we have, how and where we live, work, achieve, and all those other arbitrary things. It’s bragging on social media sites, LinkedIn posts about promotions and new jobs, and pictures of our new and bigger homes, gadgets, and relationships.
And of course, all this measuring up and comparing ourselves to others makes us want more and more. To compete and to want to be seen with esteem in the eyes of others.
I’m not talking about lofty and worthy goals such as “I want to be happy” or “I want to take good care of my family / sick mother”. I’m talking about goals such as I want to earn X amount of money (when perhaps you don’t need more), I want to lose X amount in weight (when you’re already very nice as you are), about owning this or that possession, of gaining that particular promotion, degree, or certification. And many times, just to show it off.
I’m particularly talking about the feeling of wanting happiness in a future distant goal.
How goals can rob us of our happiness
My point is that it’s all just such a ruse. It’s an illusion of future happiness and fulfillment that we keep fooling ourselves that we will reach. Only, we first need to do, be, or have this one more thing. But there will always be more things to check off, to brag about, to compare ourselves with others, or to “improve” ourselves.
But this behavior is subconsciously and consciously telling us that our happiness never lies in the here and now. It tells us that we are never enough. It tells us that we always need more, to possess, to own, and to be.
If we always feel a lack in our lives, how can we ever be fully happy and satisfied with what we have and who we are?
Yet, when we have no goals at all, we feel like we are drowning in idleness and boredom. And as many have pointed out before me, it’s in idleness and boredom that depression and rumination brood. So, the solution is not to stop having goals. It’s to stop pursuing stupid ones.
What goals are not stupid?
I don’t know yet.
But my experiment for 2025 is to change the way I set my goals. I will let go of my old ways of setting goals, which were set to specific achievements such as graduating with a degree, reaching a certain weight, and reaching a specific financial goal.
This year, I’m going to focus on goals that cannot be bragged about. Goals that are impossible to “show” to others, especially through social media posts or to check off of a list. These goals are aimed towards a way of life, about being happy in the now.
For me and the year 2025, there are only three big ones:
- Live for the present moment, instead of for the future.
- Stay sober.
- Enjoy healthy and good habits.
I might set a few smaller ones of the old character, but those will be far in the background. Just a reminder of the direction I want to go in. But the focus will be on the here and now, and my happiness should not be hinged upon reaching future goals.